Saturday, 22 November 2008


Here I lie, in the silhoutte of darkness. Since you've left, I fear my future; I dread my past; I pity my present. I revisit those ineresting places, where we used to have trysts. Now they are like empty spaces, like dark corners which haunts me in my nightmares. You used to come in my dreams, now you are my nightmares. You don't let me sleep, you drag me to awareness every now and then. This has been happening for several weeks now may be months. I've lost my faith. I don't believe in god, I don't trust people I don't even trust myself.

It seems like whole world is conspiring against me. I can't be happy whatever I do. I've started dwelling on this darkness. Its enveloping me, overwhelmingly discouraging me. I am sinking in this darkness I am... bathing in this darkness. I don't find fun in playing with a child, in a teenager's smile. I don't appreciate a beautiful morning, I am unable to adore an innocent pup. I find it hard to smile, it feels like I am not supposed to. I don't deserve to be cared, to be respected, to be understood... to be loved. 

My vision is fading. Each day looks like another battle. I find compliments fake, adorations dishonest. I listen to people who claim they are happy and they seem to me as hypocrites. They are concocters who can't accept the darkness in their lives and brag about how happy they are. In reality, deep inside their hearts, they must be feeling the emptiness as I do. They guard their insecurities and fears by indulging in obsolete obsessions. Some flaunt wealth, some flaunt flesh, some display simulated altruism. As for me, I burn myself. I burn myself in the toxic soot of nicotine. This for me is the soot of darkness. My identity my aura has been dissolved in this dark soot. I am no more the man I used to be or wanted to be.

My dreams my desires are all an obsolete myth now. They've all faded in the dark mist of melancholy. But I don't lie in the dark silhoutte anymore. I've raised myself up. I've begin a new journey, a pursuit of darkness.